Me in Youth Ministry

06Jul09

This is a little sharing I did for all of our leaders

I guess most of you know how I came to be here, with you, sitting at the table with like minded young adults all wanting to make something better out of our youth and young adults in the parish.

But in case you haven’t heard it before, it briefly goes like this. I was a introverted cradle catholic who went off the rails by getting myself into a very promiscuous relationship with a girl. Came back to realise that God was the centre of my life and not my own.

But of course there is more to it than that. And I wanted to focus on my leadership here at St Clair through that time. Now for those who were there back in the day, BASIC GIFT was not the first youth group to form. It surely is the best one to be formed but wasn’t the first. The generation prior did not last long either. As far as I can remember our humble beginnings started off with 8 people in Melchior’s room deciding how we are going to start something at Church.

Little did I know what I was heading in for. I didn’t know anything about my faith. All i knew was that God loved me, mass was for good for people to go to and that we needed to make it enjoyable. What got me started was a priest named Fr Ray. A filipino priest that really knew how to party. Augustinian of course. He’s the one that got me interested. He’s excitement for what he was about excited me just the same. I guess you can say he led me into youth ministry.

While initial plans started happening for youth ministry, I got involved in a relationship. She wasn’t catholic which made it a bit harder to relate to her. Still we hit off anyway thinking that our relationship was based on our promescuity. It also didn’t help that some of my buddies were egging me on. I tried to stay clear from their attitudes but the funny thing is, they to were going to church aswell as in leadership. The reason why I mention this is because of how arrogant it made me. Thinking that i was the man in all cases. That I wasn’t wrong, thinking I was always right. Humble really wasn’t my middle name.

You know how we all belong to different groups here and there, and when you have a party, you invite your friends from here and the from that place and your family is over that way. But somehow they don’t come together. Thats how I tried to base my life back then. Thinking that I can be this arrogant person one minute and then a church leader the next. Appears that I was wrong.

My arrogance, my promescuity, my ignorance, my selfishness showed in my leadership. Leadership to me became being the top dog that would tell other people what to do and demand respect from them. Little did I know that I wasn’t winning the favour of many people, including my own family. All of this was just leading to a single event that would have an everlasting effect on my direction in life.

I got into a heated argument with some of the youth and the youth leaders over a choir practice. It wasn’t the most pleasant time for me. Inside i felt betrayed, but i somehow I knew that it had been my fault as well. That everything that I had become would soon turn out to be the person I despised and didn’t want to be. A person without integrity. I sat in Fr Jun’s car crying, on our way to youth leaders retreat for the order. I didn’t think I was even worthy in even attending the camp. At that moment, I wanted to quit. Just like that. I had come to the point where I couldn’t be bothered anymore. On top that, I knew that I was the only running things here, even with a bad track record morally. How hypocritical I had become. Trying to lead young people to Christ, and here I was trying to get my life back together.

When I look back at  it now, i can’t really pinpoint the exact reason why I continued this ministry. I attended a conference which focused on adoration. Time with the blessed sacrament. I guess it gave me time to discern my decisions on where I was headed and it gave me a new hope. Hope that Jesus Christ is our saviour and that God is our Father who runs to us when we have foresaken Him. But there were also little whispers in my ear. It was the small encouragements from many people, young and old alike. People that still believed in me regardless of what I had done. People I had led. Friends I felt that I had betrayed.

With a small hint of encouragement and time in adoration, i found myself in youth ministry once again. Although it wasn’t easy having to deal with the ex leaders who would look at you and dispise you. However I saw youth leadership in a whole new light. No longer I was the arrogant leader, but a true leader who’s job was not to solely to lead, but to serve. The essence of a true leader. I found myself fundraising for WYD, leading the choir (sometimes with only my instrument) and trying to get youth up and going again. I didn’t really succeed in the last 2 points. By myself that is. Until BASIC mama came along. From there, the rest is history.

I guess you can say, that I learned my leadership from such an experience. When I look at myself now. I’m still learning. Experiencing, reading and talking to other leaders. But I never forget that my leadership is not to focus on me. My leadership is to focus on Christ and lead people into relationship with Him. And because he is my focus, he is the reason he gives me the strength to do what I do. He is the reason why I can continue to do this in either shape or form. As I mentioned at Church after AYE WYD, our joy cannot be contained within ourselves, but must be shared with others. Its creating a positive change. Thats leadership.

I just want to end with the guru in leadership from this book I’m reading.

Though you cannot go back
and make a brand new start, my friend.
Anyone can start from now
and make a brand new end.

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